A Day's Foraging

I was walking home when I checked my phone; the message read, "Going on a hike to find some sage." It was a day my husband and I were both doing our own foraging. I had spent the morning talking with a woman I met through my current job hoping she might lead me to another job. Turns out, she has family ties to the Chicago area and when she saw my Illinois plates, her natural inclination towards networking overcame her and she offered me, a complete stranger, counsel. Our brunch may or may not lead to an improvement in my work situation, but meeting someone who was generous with her time, knowledge and contacts elevated my spirit. The afternoon was spent at a writing workshop. Again not sure if the workshop itself was immensely helpful or will lead to a job (!), but I treasured the quick intimacy created by sharing our writing aloud. The day's adventure through the urban forest had bestowed many treasures, my basket was filled.

When I returned home, there were three bundles of sage awaiting me, like a cat bearing gifts, my husband had left these fragrant leaves on my desk. He was not aware but I had just burnt the last of my sage. This happens to us sometimes. Something we have not verbally expressed is somehow known. I like to think we communicate well, but it is in the visible ways he responds to my subtle desires that amazes me. It is like receiving the answer to a prayer not yet formulated. It seems this is a consistent aspect of love, of God, of the Universe; a deep listening for what is truly needed in any given moment or situation. Of course this is easier to believe when we agree with what has been bestowed or with what has transpired. I guess this is where trust comes in. Often there is a responsibility to make things happen, but at times the most needed action is to open our hands and hearts and receive.

A new lead on a job or an epiphany with my writing would have been welcomed gifts of the day, but it seems I yearned for something else; kindness and fellowship with strangers in my new city. And some wild canyon sage hand-harvested by my beloved that will one day offer itself in a prayer of gratitude for all that is given.

A Path with Heart

The other night I was at a party and spoke with a woman who mentioned a few years ago she was thinking about making a career change and decided to go through a career counseling program. She took a slew of personality and aptitude tests and when the results came back she was surprised to learn she was already doing the work she was most suited for.  This got me thinking about my own career path.  For a few years, I have been searching for work that I would deeply enjoy and that would make good use of my talents.  Twice, I looked seriously at graduate programs, only to end up dismissing them for one reason or another.  Now I think I was hoping some other version of myself was going to appear and make my life, more specifically my career path, clear and easy.  I wanted work I would love, but I wanted it to happen easily, organically. If I had to fight for it or step too far out of my comfort zone, then it probably wasn't worth it.  The truth is my path had been clear, in a muddy sort of way, mostly because I kept throwing mud on it.  The mud of fear, of doubt, of laziness, of unworthiness, of shame. My fear of saying yes to my purpose was so great that I was searching for jobs in fields that a) I am not qualified for and b) I would have most likely hated. Like the woman at the party, I flirted with other possibilities even though at some level I had already made the commitment to my deeper love.  For example, whenever I thought about going back to school it was always in the same field, and when I meet anyone who does this work I always want to talk with them.  So maybe what work I would do was not so much the question as when, how and where. Maybe timing is everything. Maybe it was not the right school or program in the past. Maybe I was not quite ready.  But this I know for sure, if I do not say yes now I will be stopping the life force in me that is ready to take form and live in the world. My mind still wants to entertain other possibilities, but my body and my spirit are preparing for the birth. The path is still a little muddy, but it is a path with heart and I am finally ready to start the journey.

Is there a journey that has been calling to you?  Is there a dream, or friendship or hobby from your past that is worth revisiting? Is there fear, uncertainty or doubt that is keeping you from a life affirming yes?